Let's call a spade a shovel and dig a nice deep hole for me!

Great news folks! I have recently met a lovely guy. We get on very well (translate: he laughs at my jokes).

Both he and I have been subject to a 'torture-style' line of questioning from friends. Alas, only the other day did I realise that my group of friends are in a class (ironically) of their own.
Let me explain.

My new 'friend', has been exposed to a few sessions of questions. These questions have gone along the lines of....lets say.....a modest interest. He has been subjected to such questions (I assume) as:

"What is she like?"

"What type of books does she read?"

"What music is she into?"

I, on the other hand have been subjected to the following:

"Did ya snog 'im?"

"Did ya do 'im?"

"What base have ya gotten to?"

Now I know what you're thinking. All legitimite questions right? But it has got me to thinking.............

When it comes to me introducing a new beau to my friends, it's not so much a case of 'introduce' as it is 'expose' him to them.

I can see it now. We walk in together, a couple, happy and content with each other's company. I 'expose' him to them. Then we leave........separately. He has developed a nervous twitch and a stock standard repetetive answer to the question that has been thrown at him all night. He spends the rest of the night, tossing and turning in bed saying "...no....no.....no more pints for me....I REALLY have drunk enough......".

I, on the other hand, am subjected to the ridicule of my friends....
....."he's a bit of a lightweight isn't he.....I mean...it was only the 12th round and he opted out....call him a man?"

So I am faced with a dilemma. Introduce him to my friends and hence lose him due to the harsh reality that both myself and my friends are a group of socially unacceptable misfit lushes....

or

Suggest that I have no friends which leaves me looking like a a misfit social outcast incapable of not only not making friends but not maintaining friends due to my inexcusable ability to call a spade a spade (yes you DO look like an ageing hooker in that outfit).

Hmmmmmmm


Maybe I could come up with a great and believable reason for not having friends. One that could see me maintaining my friends (that is, till they read this blog), and maintain a normal relationship (which reads as an oxymoron when pertaining to a Preston heterosexual relationship).

Possible reasons why I dont have friends:

The dog ate them

They're lost in the mail

My 'Preston is a like-able person' potion wore off.

It's against my religion

10 years ago, they went out to pick up some milk and never returned home

I'm a conservative supporter

And the list goes on. In the meantime, I will kick back with a bottle or ten of wine, think about the future, and .............cry.......tears of Shiraz since that is what's running through my veins (would be a 1992 Barolo if I had £ though).