I want her DEAD. I want all her family DEAD! All her pets.....DEAD!!!!


Today, I got to thinking about a character from my past. Someone who, was so intrinsically evil, that if I was playing some weird life game with my maker, and was given the choice that, before I move on to my next life stage, must put a name forward to be contract killed.....it would be this person.

And no! Its not an ex-boyfriend (I only have the utmost respect for each and every one of them......hahahahahahahahahahahahah).

To protect myself, I will refer to her as K******.

Thinking about her, I recall a story my friend Julie told, after attending K's 21st birthday party. After having been there for several hours, Julie turned to her friend Sue and said, "look at the people here....half of them hate her and the other half have fucked her...." (nice one Jules....I will always respect you for that comment).

How true that was.

Now, I hear you saying....'hello....is there a little jealousy going on there Preston?' Well hell yeah. The girl was good looking, popular with the boys AND had great hair!!!! Though, what she did with that hair was a tragedy......the wedge undercut was a complete travesty!!!!!

I remember my first 'dealing' with K. Standing in line at the school canteen, I was 12 yrs old. She was in front of me. Someone pushed me from behind, which had the knock-on effect of me going up the back of K. She turned around and sneered "Fuck off" at me. I was mortified. Nobody had ever sworn at me before, let alone use the 'F' word. She was a bully. But not a dumb bully. A reasonably intelligent bully. AND, she was in all my classes. Oh god the pain!

Did I want to be like her? Popular? No! I just wanted her to leave me alone. Now, I know several of you are probably saying...'But Preston......why didn't you just combat her with your rapid fire wit?' Well, I was a bit more of a quiet one at school. I actually paid attention in class and often would sit up the front of the classroom. No, I didn't have the confidence to take her on.

She could smell my fear.

She hunted in a pack as well. Her fellow dogs included A****, J***, A*****, S** and S*****. A couple of them turned out to be nice people. Of course they always need the back up of others. But, I'm not saying they constantly bullied me. I wasn't really bullied at all. Not by bullying standards of today. They just made some of my school life harder.

It is with great pleasure, that I can report, that at our 10 year school reunion, she wore the most appalling grey taffeta pants suit. The girls at Go Fug Yourself would give her a roasting!!!

That whole reunion thing is something I never want to do again. The reason it is a reunion, is because you have fallen out of touch. And that is FOR A REASON! Cos you never want to see half the dumb-asses again. Its not like you choose your schoolmates. Your thrown into the 'ring' and expected to fight your way out somehow.

Fortunately, I happened to be thrown together with some truly wonderful people! Andrew, Tim, Yulia and Julie.......you are much loved and cherished. You are all on my wavelength(poor you).

Thank god that I came away from school with some truly great friends and experiences!!!

Now.....does anyone know the number for any decent contract killers out there?