Dating Tips Revisited

Ok people. If you have a squeamish cringe-worthy stomach, turn away now. The following is an account of a date that has provided me with SO MUCH material, I don't know where to start. And B**, if you're reading, I don't mean you, am looking forward to seeing you again!

Hoke (ok pronounced with a Sth American accent)...

I meet up with this guy at a salsa club. We are chatting for an hour....everything seems above board.....then it took a turn for the worse.

Point of realisation when I thought 'uh-oh....I've got a live one here', was when he announced he doesn't wear underwear BUT.....he keeps himself clean!!!!!

At this stage, Preston is thinking, '......hoke...a slight blip on my shit radar...but I allow for 1 to 2 errors so will give him the benefit that it was a wayward comment, that will never be matched again.

Point of first snog contact? Immediately after I reported that I love baby octopus, char-grilled with chili and lime?????? He literally launched at me! I was wrong-footed totally! In his defense, he was a great kisser, which I encouraged for the rest of the evening, safely knowing that I may never see this guy again. Hey, a girls got needs.

Also, I realised that I have a natural ability to salsa. Phew!! Was worried about that as I recall being on a dreaded salsa date a couple of years back. A date where I can only describe my dance style as 'ironing-board like'.

But, I digress, back to the date! Hoke....... So, we are dancing for hours, up close, having fun, when he whispers in my ear....'let me love you tonight'......

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh......come on!! That's soooooo cheesy!

Gotta say though. Salsa clubs are complete 'meat markets'. Every time I went to the ladies I was grabbed, propositioned, pelvic-thrusted etc, etc, etc. To be serious, I found the experience quite eye-opening, and a little scary at times. The sheer 'liberties' some men will take in those situations are endless.

Again, I digress.Getting back to my cheesy Argentinian date. I think there is a complete culture difference between us. Maybe the 'let me love you tonight' comment would go down well with a feisty Latin-American woman. With me, it had me inwardly making like Munch's 'The Scream'.

And at 38yrs old, when someone says to me '...come back to my place, nothing has to happen....', well...... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Can we make it very clear at this point, I went home alone and sober.....(sober from lack of alcohol consumption....not from the the very sobering comments from my 'wanna-be' Latin lover).


Oh....and one last things guys. If you're gonna lie, at least do it well.

Don't......
1. Lie about your height on the website......women notice if you're wearing pumps. I have had the experience, in the past, of meeting up with the shortest 5'11 guy ever!

2. If you message a girl, and your profile says your 36, then....say a day before you meet up with that girl, change your profile age to 33....then, when you meet up, announce your 37........when you actually look like you're in your 40's.........well, need I say more? Really????