Wolfmother - Back from the musical era that civilisation forgot!!

Last night I dragged my flatty - Thomas, to see a fab band called Wolfmother. These guys have to be seen and heard to be believed. As Thomas describes them, they are a mix of Led Zeppllin meets The Doors meets AC/DC meets White Stripes. A fairly accurate description I feel.

I cant remember the last time I saw a guitarist jump off stage speakers and slide around on their back as part of the act. Great stuff.

The band are Aussie, so of course, we were surrounded by Aussies. Aussies have such a sense of fair play. Whilst at the bar, which was rammed with thirsty Aussies, the bartender went to serve a guy next to me. The guy deferred her to me because I was there before him. I, in turn, deferred to the guy to my right, who was before me. Quite a funny scenario. We all had a chuckle.

So often you hear about people who, when faced with a queue jumper, will choose not to confront them. Not Preston. The sheer rudeness and audacity of them! I am not afraid to not only confront them, but to point out where the queue starts....for them. I have been faced with quite a few responses to this scenario. One is the ignorance plea....'ooohhhh sorry I didn't realise', which usually will elicit the Preston response,(head tilted to one side oozing rhetoric) '....really?'

Then there's the complete ignore job, which happened in Superdrug Brixton. This chick completely pushed in front of me after I had been waiting for about 5 minutes. Not a chance. The exchange went something like this....

Preston: 'Excuse me, but I'm next.'
Ignorant Pushy-Inny Bitch: (nothing - no recognition that I had spoken)
Preston: (tap on the shoulder) 'The queue starts back there........'
Ignorant Pushy-Inny Bitch: 'Dont touch me....that is assault.'
Preston: (spluttering laughing) 'Your kiddin right?' (facing the rest of the queue or witnesses as I like to call them) 'Does anyone reckon that was assault?'
Ignorant Pushy-Inny Bitch: (nuthin....is completely ignoring I exist now)
Preston: (realising that she needs a new tack, addresses the cashier) 'You're gonna serve me next right?'
Wide eyed cashier: ( mouth open and looking nervously between me and Ignorant Pushy-Inny Bitch calls for security)

Security I ask you!!!!!!!!!!

Preston: (to security) 'Listen, she pushed in, I'm next, and she's a very rude person.'

By this stage, the rest of the queue are finding their voice and backing me up. Also, the cashier is ready for the next customer. Ignorant Pushy-Inny Bitch is now being questioned by security. Preston steps up to the counter and promptly gets served. Preston then slips away without being seen leaving an impending riot unraveling behind her!!!

Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha

It's a principal thing guys. I hate queues like the rest of you, but they serve a purpose. It just comes down to plain good manners. If you let someone push in then you condone their actions by your lack of voice. Also, I wouldn't feel true to myself if I let someone get away with such rudeness without pointing out their obvious folly. If it gets me nowhere, then at least I have said something rather than being an ineffectual drone who, will not only not challenge people, but then moan and whinge about them.

I guess the moral of this story is....

DONT MESS WITH PRESTON!

and

WOLFMOTHER RULE!

Vunderful, Vunderful,.....Hold on....that's Copenhagen!

Aaahhh Bugger it...Vunderful, Vunderful Amsterdam!

Preston took in another part of the world last week. Yep! Spent about 5 days in Amsterdam and loved every minute of it!

It was a right knees up!

Slightly scary highlight of the trip? That would have to be on my first morning there, where, going beyond normal Preston boundaries, I got lost. Now how did it go....left at the flower markets, right at the main shopping street...and...wait a minute...what a fabulous pair of shoes,....oh...and check out that interior design shop...and I might just stop in a bar now.....and...where the hell am I? So Preston goes troddling off in a direction that looks nice. Aaaaahhh nice canal, nice architecture, nice bars. I'm really lost now.

But guys...that's not the scary bit...I mean....it's not like I made a wrong turn in Oz, and ended up a thousand miles from....say....running water. No! I was lost and exploring. What was scary, was the fact that during the time I was lost, I needed sustenance, so bought a drink and a banana. Whilst walking down the street, eating the banana, a guy with a huge................................telephoto lense (apologies for the pregnant pause alluding to a sexual pun), started snapping away whilst I was mid-mouthful. I was stunned and almost choked myself with laughter (and the strategically placed banana). The guy got a photo of that too. Now I really started laughing. I said words to the effect of....'that was mean'....but he wagged his finger, and with a cheeky smile said something in a foreign language and blew me a kiss. Hmmmmmmmmmm will chalk that one down to 'Only in Amsterdam'.

So during my trip, I decided that I never want anyone to refer to my dress style as quirky. Cos Preston saw alot of 'quirky' and realised quirky is the last stop on the train bound for Fashion Disaster!

The place I was staying in was amazing to say the least. 12 foot ceilings. A kitchen about 4 times the size of my bedroom in London (and in Sydney St in Oz). It was over 3 floors and about 5 minutes walk to....well....everywhere. Huge doors opened up onto a balcony. Because the flat is a home away from home for a friend, this means it is sparsely decorated. So picture a huge room, decked out with a three seater sofa, a couple of arm chairs, a coffee table....and that's about it. We would drag the sofa over in front of the huge doors to the balcony, and take in the sun....well...what there was of it.

And no folks!!! Preston abstained from drugs! There were too many other good things to be doing like....beer....and....shopping.....and going to dance clubs.....and beer.....and cracking open bottles of red. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And dont get me started on the bikes. The bikes rule there! Wow! Ruprect would be so excited! Though there's no way in hell I would take him there because he would be stolen and pimped out!

So Preston must say.....Thank you Jon. You were the perfect host. Maybe next time we can have our hash cookie picnic as planned.....

Cycle Diaries
Episode 1
The Aussie Strikes Back

Cycling London can be such fun. It can also be a health hazard.


Preston has committed many traffic offences while giving the proverbial 'finger' to all the lowly car-drivers caught in traffic.....Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha!!!

Preston has been.....pulled out on, car-doored, knocked off her bike, spat at, yelled at, whistled at, glared upon and downright hated.....by motorists and pedestrians alike.
And Prestons just gotta say.

Right back at cha PEOPLE!!!!

You see, my view is, the Preston express is comin' through and aint no-one gonna stop her.

That's why I have to say, that this morning, I had one of the nicest rides. Was on my way to work, was Sunday morning at about 9:30am, mid easter long weekend.Sun was out, there was a crisp feel to the air. It wasn't cold. I had my 'fast'shades on. The kinda shades which say I'm up to no good.

There was practically nobody on the road....just how I like it.....using the road like it's my own.Which it is!

Only problem is, that the people you do get out on the road are OAP's (for the unitiated, that Old Age Pensioners). Yep, I reckon they're all on their way to church.All driving like the OAP outta Ferris Buellers Day Off.

I overtook one. No....not one walking along the street....she was driving along Garrett Lane, (a main road in Wandsworth). I couldn't believe it! At first I didn't know what or who I was dealing with.I was waiting for her to speed up, thinking she must of been applying lipstick or lighting a fag. But no, no speeding up. So Preston has a better look, and the silhouette of that ill-fitting afro-type wig gave away that she was a paying member of the Grey Brigade. Preston thought to herself.....is this a chance for me to brag (well....cmon....just a little bit guys)....brag that she has become so strong on Ruprect, that she overtakes cars now!!!!

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!

I have! Damn good knee is still performing. Lungs are still giving out a performance close to that of Phar Lap.

I overtook and sped off! Laughing maniacally whilst listening to Soundgarden's Burden in My Hand.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the pure freedom of it.

Except....I was on my way to a 29 hour shift.

SHIT!

I just came back to ground level (sob).

Preston - The Corporate Whore

Preston has been making some changes of late. The incredible procrastinator that I am, I have looked into doing some things I have wanted to do for ages. You know about the guitar playing.....that seems to be coming along slowly. Have booked in for a ten week beginners course. Am excited about that because so far its just been Preston, her guitar and the laptop.

Lessons online are good, but the human factor of course is missing. The part where someone comes along and corrects your hand, or winces at the sound of a dodgy note....well they are invaluable.

I have also just booked in for lessons in Tai Chi. Have wanted to do these for years. I imagine myself, centred in meditative mode, going through the flowing motions..... anywhere...a beach....a park.....a forest. Somewhere near water would be great. Feeling at one with yourself and the world.

So, taking up the guitar and doing Tai Chi? Signs of a wannabe hippie you may say? I would be proud to be a hippie. But maybe I need some balance! Maybe with all the tofu eating and organic paper using, I need something that will balance the scales so I don't enter into some self induced hippie rebirth?????

I know!!! PRESTON WILL BECOME A CORPORATE WHORE!!!!!

I have the opportunity to take on a temporary promotion with an option to go permanent. I may step up into a senior management position where I sit in an office, work 9-5pm Monday to Friday. I will attend budget meetings and schmooze with some big wigs high up in social services. Hmmmmmmm will Preston do it? Will she go for it? Will I become the very person that my co-managers bitch about because I don't seem to know whats going on or am outta touch with residential care at the ground level???

Shit yeah!

A pay rise, the opportunity for after work drinks along with the inevitable day where I do nothing and yet seem so, so busy? I could do that! The chance to get my teeth into some things without being interrupted by....ohhh lets see....a knock on the door from the police dropping off one of the tenants I manage when they have gotten into a pub brawl. Hmmmmm attractive. How about the chance to write some reports without 2 tenants going at each other 'hammer and tongs' because one has accused the other of stealing her olive oil. Oh yeah....that's my bag! And the fact that I will be directly managing actual intelligent people? Wow, what a novelty.

So Preston is going for it. If I don't like it I can go back to the 'front line' again. Cross all your fingers that i get it eh!

Totally Believable Plot Lines

I have a confession. I'm an addict. Have tried to kick the habit several times, but to no avail.

I'm addicted to Home and Away. I remember watching it years ago when I lived in Oz. I seem to recall watching the very first episode. cant remember much about it, apart from a couple of actors.

I started watching it again last year, around about September or October, because it gave me a glimpse of Oz, which at the time I was sorely missing. I was due to visit Oz in December, and was gearing up to my beloved home by having a taster.

Home and Away is filmed in Sydney. The beach and cafe of 'Summer Bay', is filmed at Sydney's Palm Beach. I can see places I used to visit, roads I used to ride on, the sea pool I used to swim laps in.

Yet, when watching, all the alarm bells goes off.

Several recent plot lines:

Twenty two year old heavily pregnant woman, with a potentially fatal heart condition, decides to take time out, (days before she is due), telling no one where she's going, hangs out at an isolated caravan with NO mobile signal.

Hmmmmmmm what may happen?

Young police constable, turns out to be deranged psychotic serial murderer, bumping off people who were jurors on his fathers fraud trial.

Local young doctor and all round nice guy, finds out he has terminal cancer. Stay tuned for that story kids, as, whilst in Oz, I got a glimpse of the future and MAYBE by some miracle, the cancer goes into remission against all odds?????

So, the tenants at my workplace watch shows like Eastenders and Coronation Street. For a little while, a couple of years ago, I watched Eastenders. I realised after a couple of months, that it was just plain depressing. Have never watched it since. But from time to time, I will catch a glimpse at work whilst the tenants are watching. The effect is amazing. It makes me feel really down. Sad or angry characters, no sunshine, a social life that evolves around a dingy lifeless pub.......etc etc. At least Home and Away has sunshine. At least it is centred around a place that is vibrant.

There is an abundance of trailer trash in Eastenders. I loathe it.

I do wonder where I will be in five years. I'm certain it wont be London. I wont continue to live in a place where the sun is considered a luxury. maybe I took the Oz weather for granted. I definitely took the Oz way of life for granted. An open and down to earth culture which lacked arrogance.

Anywho, I will continue to watch Home and Away, even though after each episode, I feel just that little bit dirty.......

Social Scare

G'day listeners.

As you all may well know, I work in the heady field of social care. Not for the faint-hearted I tell you! I have decided, that from time to time, I will write a regular 'column' on my experiences.

Here is the first installment

When is a meat, not a meat?

Getting 'bums on seats' in social care is a hard one. That is, getting people into the job and convincing them to stay! Because of the high turn over of staff, we often rely heavily on agency staff.

Over the years, I have come across agency staff who are good, bad, blatantly rude, incredibly ignorant and just plain stupid. STOOPID!!!!!!!!!!

Why would one turn up to a shift wearing high heels, then, when asked to shower someone, say they cant because they're not dressed for it? Because they're both STOOPID and lazy.

How about this one. I informed an agency worker that she couldn't use her mobile phone whilst on duty. Now I hear all of you gasp at this one, but it's a sad case of give them an inch and they take a mile. You have workers who will talk non-stop on their mobiles for hours, not giving a shit about the time they are NOT giving to the people who need it. The residents whose home these workers are working in!

Anyway. Back to the story. I told her she couldn't use the phone. So the next day, when she was handing over to me details of her shift, she proudly stated that she had not used her mobile. Oh no!!! She had called her boyfriend on the office phone she stated!!!!
Preston stared at her in disbelief. Preston lost it and started laughing. Only briefly. Then Preston pointed out the premise to the non-mobile rule.

This same agency worker, when counting the money on hand over , shifted my ideas on the definition of a moron. Money has to be counted on every shift change to ensure internal financial controls are adhered to....that is....no ones stealing!

So, there was about £70.25 in the petty cash, as well as three tenant personal monies. After she had counted, she filled out the required paper work. Only, after she filled it out, she stated that the money was incorrect. When asked if she had counted £70.25, she replied 'no', she insisted that there was £7,025 in there. Wide eyed, staff pointed out the wonders of the decimal point and how she had left it out. But no! She insisted that she had counted £7,025. This girl had only just finished her A levels. Hmmmmm

How about this one. Another manager told me this story a couple of years back. They had a tenant who, due to the families religious and personal beliefs, did not eat meat. He was in a high care scheme. This means that he needs assistance with most daily living skills therefore cooking and feeding were done by staff. It happened one day, that a staff member fed him meat. She had fed him chicken. The shift leader at the time discovered this and reported it to the manager. The manager and the deputy called for an informal meeting to address several issues in this workers performance. When it came around to discussing the 'Meat Incident', the worker had a very legitimate defense!

Oh yes listeners.....wait for it.... She claimed that chicken is not a meat?????

STOOPID STOOPID STOOPID

I am so disgruntled at the lack of intelligence, creativity and dedication of staff. It pisses me off to the point that if I don't laugh, I would just become bitter.

I am now about to pilot training in certain areas for new starters in the company. Maybe I start with pointing out the 5 food groups to new staff.

Twang.....Twang.......
Twang.....Ouch!


Preston has big ideas! Preston is gonna be a star. She's gonna take on the world.... one country at a time.

Ok. I'm dreamin', but I've just done something I've wanted to do for years. Bought a guitar!!

Damn my procrastination!

I tried learning the guitar about 10 years ago. Had a friend that played and he wanted to teach me. I wish I had of capitalised on that opportunity. But it fell through, and at the time I was gleaning my skills in other areas......playing pool, drinking beer and generally having a fucking good time (excuse the language, but its the ONLY way to describe that time in my life).

So here I am, murdering the sound of a beautiful instrument and pushing the boundaries in human tolerance (my neighbours and flat mates).

Just about every one I've told has been like....'go for it girl'. Except one friend who suggested I was going through a mid-life crisis. I didn't expect that comment or even think about it like that. Age is such a contentious issue with people. Actually it shits me! Being the procrastinator I am, I guess I will get a lot of that along the way. Other things I want to do, like get my motor bike license, study drama, take singing lessons, scuba dive, and travel the world like a hippy, will probably incite similar comments. So can I just say now...........

PISS OFF!!!!!

Youth is wasted on the young and if I wanna take up something new at the age of 40, 55, 68....or who knows when...then thank god, because it means I'm not stagnating in my own age discriminating bubble!

Aaaaaaargh... got that gem off my ample chest!

So, back to the guitar, my aspirations of many a male groupie, and world travel/domination.

I have chosen the first song I wanna learn. In a few days, I'm sure you will see that I have been listening to a band named Dashboard Confessional (check out my links). They have a song called 'Vindicated', which I have been listening to the acoustic version of. It seems like easy chords (once I can play the bloody things), and the lyrics are fab. The way he sings it seems raw and strung out. I love it. I wanna go somewhere like a beach or a field. Somewhere where I am alone with only the birds to cover their ears. Then I wanna belt that tune out!

And belt it out I will!

Heard another song the other day. I'm starting to listen out for songs that have an acoustic edge and seem to be just chords. Heard a song by Jose Gonzalez called Heartbeats. That will be a song I will attempt as well. The lyrics and singing are smooth. I love him! Would like to work up to playing like him.

I want to write songs and lyrics. Maybe put some of the poems I have written to music.I get impatient - excited to get home quickly, so I can practise. My fingers are sore, but I take it in 15 minute stints so I can give them relief. I have noticed in the last 2 days, that my fingers are curling more naturally over the strings. I'm having to correct them less (but still I am constantly fluffing it - which I expect - so I'm on track). When I play a chord back, string by string, I'm holding the chord more accurately. Yaaaaaaaay!!!

But the road is long......with many a winding turn......