Lyrics Which Should Be Banned

The other day, I was listening to a Jon Bon Jovi song (please don't mock me), when some of the songs lyrics wafted through my consciousness. I thought to myself.....did he just sing ....'she was a Venus de Milo in her sisters jeans'? As I was online, I raced to a song lyrics website and lo and behold, there it was. An example of such appalling lyrics, that I was knocked sideways.......let me share with you my discovery

That night I made a move, man I felt hard
When I put my hands in her cookie jar
She was more than a girl, she was a cabaret star
I was a deer in the lights of a speeding car
Nothing's what it seems
She was a Venus de Milo in her sister's jeans

The song is Jon Bon Jovi's 'Queen of New Orleans', (I said DONT MOCK ME!).

I know, I know. You're wondering why Preston is listening to this. Can I state for the record, that Preston is not perfect (contrary to popular belief). Sometimes I get it wrong. Horribly wrong. So much so, that Preston may have to resort to self flagellation as penance for such a vulgar crime.

Anywho, I got to thinking about how many songs out there are flagrantly pushing the boundaries in standards. After some research, I came across a whole load of bad rap lyrics (who would've known). I decided to bypass these as there were far too many.

So..... I have some major contenders here. Have a read.

Open a soda pop, watch it fizz and pop

The clock is tickin' and we can't stop

Open a soda pop, bop-shi-bop-shi-bop

The clock is tickin' and we can't stop

Britney Spears, “Soda Pop”

When the rainy days are dying, Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying Ahhhh...
Never let go gotta hold on and Non stop 'til the break of dawn and
Keep on moving, don't stop rocking Ahhhh...


5ive, "Keep on Moving"

You're the one who makes me feel alright

When I look into your eyes, you know you're really out of sight

I'm for you and you're for me We could stay together so easily

POP POP POP POP POP POPSICLE!

Girl, can't you see? You're the one, you're the one for me!

[Chorus ]

POP POP POP POP POP POPSICLE!

[repeat to fade out]

New Kids on the Block, "Popsicle"

Ok.....I admit. It's easy to find crap lyrics with these particular artists. So just to prove that Preston doesn't just pick on crap boybands and talentless popsters, here are some lyrics from a more respected bunch (well, up until u read these lyrics...then u decide if ya still respect them).

Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.

If the sun don’t come, you get a tanFrom standing in the english rain.

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.

I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,Don’t you thing the joker laughs at you?

See how they smile like pigs in a sty,See how they snied.

I’m crying.Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.

Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.

Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.

I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob g’goo.

The Beatles "I Am The Walrus"

Whilst flying through an azure cloud

A crystal girl I'd spy

She kissed the blue bird's honey tongue

And stuttered as she sighed

I wish to sing the chicken song

Ching-A-Ling song is fine

I'd give my jewels and caviar

To make this daydream mine

Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling,

Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling,

Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling, Ching-A-Ling

Doo dah doo doo dah dah, Doo dah dah dah dah dah dah dah

David Bowie "Ching-A-Ling"

And I couldn't POSSIBLY leave this blog without reference to this song. Read the lyrics. Weep. Read them again. Thank Christ this is probably the only time you will EVER come across them.

I stab people, 4, 5 people everyday

I tried to see a shrink to stop that shit but it ain't no FUCKing way

I stabbed him, stabbed his nurse and his fucking cat

Stabbed them! Stabbed them all like that

I stab people I know, I stabbed Alex, my manager

He was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I stabbed him in the gut!

I order food just to stab the guy when he gets there,

I don't care

I stab anybody anywhere

(uh, uh) thereI stabbed the mailman, he was pissed, he tried to mace me

I'm to quick with the stabbing, come on, come on, taste me

I stabbed Twizted, Jimmy Madrox, I stabbed 'em

Myzery stabbed me OWW!! Goddamn him!

I stab old people, ladies, little kids,

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

I stabbed a fat guy in the but (hehe), what?

I met Pete Rose and stabbed him, twice in his nipple

I'm Violent J, I stab people.Maybe somebody can help me [4X]

Insane Clown Posse, "I Stab People"

Goodness! Their mother's must be proud!